Anti-Social Social Club

I have noticed what I think might be a huge character flaw in myself - and it might be true for you as well. 

I have more often than not been battling with my two personas in life. My personal self and my online self. I always see other people posting whatever they want on social media. Often times sharing things that really serve no purpose to anyone but themselves. I always think to myself, “why does this person think anyone cares about what they are posting or how about instead of posting about something you want to do on social media, you actually do it.” But, I’m also left with some weird fascinations to the whole mentality. Mainly because I wanna be like them. 

I always find myself wanting to post on social media only to just second guess myself and start to wonder, “why does it even matter?” I truly think that this self-confidence issue has a lot to do with how I grew up in the early internet age. Myspace was just popping off when I was in the 8th grade - that was in 2008 for those who care. Here is the fucked up part of this whole thing and is something that I think about a lot. I was obese when the internet age was growing. So, during a time where I was depressed and just the idea of sharing myself to anyone made me wanna puke - everyone else’s perspective was different. Well 10 years later and I am not the fat kid anymore, but after living close to 20years as the fat kid, its hard to see myself another way. The idea of no longer being the fat kid is still something I struggle with today and it feels like I keep finding some new way being fat fucked with my brain.

All this is a really long winded way for me to say that I want to share more of me. Not in a douchey kinda way, but more in an accountability kinda way. I have for a long time subscribed to the idea that what you do when no one is looking is a reflection of who you really are. But, this outlook can only get you so far. There are things that I do with my life that not many people actually know about. 

This blog is a good example of that, but I have two more that not many know about. The first one is that I have been shooting weddings for several years now, but I have never posted a single thing about it. Somehow I have convinced myself that If I just keep doing what I’m doing that I will grow, but that is just not the case. The second and even more ironic example is my freelance online marketing business. Yep, I have ben helping people start up their social media presence, but I myself have a hard time posting ANYTHING online. Even from the get go I thought that mentality was weird. 

I keep a lot of what I do gated because I’m scared. I am scared of looking dumb and making myself look stupid for either thinking whatever idea I had would work or for just trying. 

I want to change that - and I think I’ve found my catalyst. 

Me and my dad are trying to start up an authentic Mexican catering business and by the looks of it - it is not going to be an easy road. I want to document it and use it as a way to open up about my personal life and just vent about how I might be feeling at that given time. 

I know that I want to help myself become more accountable for my actions and allow someone to call me out on my bullshit. 

I really don’t know how to start this of even what I am going to say, but I can tell you this- It is going to be a total cringe fest for a while. I have never talked into a camera while i was out and about, so I guess we’ll see how it goes. 

If you are reading this and noticed that I have not kept my promise of being more open, call me out on it - I am @luisalexmacedo on Instagram and Twitter.

xoxo,

luis

ps: please enjoy the most dad picture I have ever taken.